Dear Me ... letter to myself 20 years ago

Over breakfast this morning, I watched this on Youtube

I so wish I had done something like this! Why didn't my father think of this when he used to follow us around with that Super 8 camera? *

But it stuck in my mind all day - 20 years ago. What would I say to myself back in 1992? Although I didn't know at the time, it was a big turning point in my life and my progress through the next 20 years would have been helped with a bit of advance knowledge, so ...

Dear Yvette-in-1992,

Hey! So that computer your Dad passed down to you last year, the one you wondered what you would actually use it for? Yes - the one that doesn't have a hard drive and you have to keep stopping games to change the floppy disks over? Well, turns out I found a few things you can use them for - quite a few actually! So hang in there - but here's a little saying for you "Save early, save often". Try to remember that, much less stressful.

So, look at you with all your little ones - busy hey? Not a lot of sleep and lots of time in the car, right? But how cute are they? And all that hard work is worth it - thank you for dedicating yourself to raising three wonderful children, its made my life much easier. Here's a sneak peak-ahead for you.

That? Oh, its called scrapbooking. Actually, you could help me out a bit with that - can you take more photos please? I know it is expensive to get the films developed and you don't always have the money, but I really do appreciate the memories to look back on. Oh - you have about four years: can you find some time to sort those photos and get them out of those awful magnetic photo albums, its not good for them, you (are going to) know

So now the baby is a year and half, how are you going with looking after yourself? Getting lots of exercise with riding your bike to playgroup every week with Elin and then family bike rides on the weekend - you are probably as fit as you have ever been. If you could keep that up, I would really appreciate it ...

... because I have some difficult news to share with you. Um, you're not quite as healthy as you think. This really hard ... look ... you see, oh - we have Multiple Sclerosis. Hang on, don't panic - you won't notice anything for a few more years. But when you do, you aren't going mad and you are right to keep pushing for a diagnosis - but that will take five years more, so you need to be patient. In the meantime, can you lay off the sunscreen a bit? Turns out all that avoiding the sun you do is affecting how much vitamin D we get and I am really running short!

But thanks for the moisturiser - keep up the good work! And don't worry too much about those grey hairs - I worked out a great solution ;) That - its an emoticon. A smiley face winking. Yes, I am serious. It isn't a silly word. Google - that's a silly word. And you know that rose tattoo you have been wondering about for the past ten years? We finally got it a few months ago! But I changed the design a little ...

Now -  its nearly our birthday, last year before a big one! Yes, it is exciting for you to be nearly thirty, isn't it? So old! I mean, you are the same age our mum was when we were born and she was considered elderly! Oh - Melissa is that age now! Twenty-eight! No, she hasn't got any children yet - no, not married either. Doing? Oh, well she got back from her UK trip on Friday! I know - we always wanted to do that, didn't we? (I'll let you in on a secret - we aren't dead yet, there is still plenty of time!!)

Oh - hey, thanks for all the hard work making costumes and dress ups for the kids. I know you put a lot of effort into it. And one day, you won't need to do all that sewing! - that will be a relief! Grow out of it? No, not really ...

Kaitlyn? Yes, she is still a sweet thing - no, never did go off the rails as a teenager (even though you think she might after being such a delightful toddler!). She is married and looking forward to starting a family soon. No, it isn't a surprise, is it? By the way - if you think she is baby-mad as a pre-schooler, that's nothing!

And how are you coping with Kieran? Yep - hardest baby of them all! So unsettled and still sleeping in your bed, breastfeeding all day and night - and everyone's a critic, aren't they? And trying to get vegetables into him! I know! Well, you can relax on that front - he still won't eat them and I gave up trying about ten years ago! Oh, but he is such a lovely guy! So witty and such a brain - I have conversations with him that remind me of talking with Dad - only without the bad bits. He is physically like him too, skinny, wiry and strong as an ox. Still lives at home, not studying or working ... but I am not stressed over that: he was destined to take his own path in life, right from the start. Computer mad - studied them and spends all his time online ... Oh, um ... there's this internet thing. ooh - while I think of it: watch out when you are feeding him and nearly finished typing that booklet for Nursing Mums. Make sure he can't swing his arm out and hit the reset button! Did I mention "save early, save often"? Anyway, he helps me fix my computer problems these days, not create them ;)

Yes, that does look like that silly box-thing from Dr Who, doesn't it? Yes, I do remember how we groaned when that came on TV when we were a kid and we had to change channels quickly. BTW - don't blink. What? BTW? Its text shorthand, like on a mobile. No - not the things hanging over babies cots! A phone. Oh, forget I mentioned it! Just remember - don't blink!

Ah - Nursing Mothers'! You just qualified as a breastfeeding counsellor a few months ago, didn't you? Wow - took two years to get through the training and then 6 months waiting for the final assessment (after the assessor left your folio sitting on her desk for ages). Have to stay around as a volunteer for a few years to make that all worthwhile! How long did I do it for? Um ...

It was a good thing you did do that training though. Your gorgeous niece Lynden and nephew Jordan - sweet babies they still are - are only the beginning: there are seven more to come - plus four that Rod's cousin will have in the same time period! Family gatherings are going to be a bit chaotic for a few years!!!

And you have a new puppy! Silky! Oh, darling Silky - she is such a life blessing. Treasure her - she is with you for the long run and will be a great comfort when she is older.

Still married? Yep - coming up to 30 years next year! Does Rod still ride to work every day? And with the family every weekend?

No - he doesn't cycle ... to work ... or with the family ...

Hey - you had your school reunion this year! Wow - look at everyone all grown up! And your closest friends - you just don't see them that much now, do you? Don't worry - you just need to make the time and it will happen.

Well, it's been lovely to catch up with you, Yvette-in-1992. I wish I had time to tell you more - but then, that would spoil the surprises! Spoilers!


From my family ....

... to yours!

I might just leave the last words to Dr Seuss (yes, I know you are a little sick of reading him - and you despair of Melissa ever becoming a competent reader ... relax, that will be the least of your concerns!)

So ...

Good luck!
Yvette-in-2012

* My Dad did create a time capsule, of sorts, on film for my friends and I. Enjoy! (Parts one and two)

Save some energy for the next bit

Pregnancy lasts a long nine months for many women, but some see it as a bit of side-action to their normal life and continue going at full speed right up until the birth.

A couple of bloggers I follow are examples of this second type and it feels a little like watching a train-wreck about to happen.

Because I spend my life working with women on the other side of birth, I get to see the fall-out of women who worked right up until labour began, those who were exhausted before birthing, those who have no energy left for the really hard-yards that are the postnatal weeks.

Gone are the days when maternity leave commenced 6 weeks before the due date and the mother-to-be spent her time resting with her feet up, organising those tiny singlets in drawers and re-reading her books about birth and beyond.

Today's first-time mother-to-be is just as likely to be caught out with labour starting at work, her hospital bag at home - still not packed - and exhausted after a marathon weekend trying to achieve things before the birth. Far from ideal preparation for a physical activity that, while normal and just what our bodies are designed for, will tire and fatigue even the fittest of women. And for too-many women, this is not about choice, but lack of choice. Workplace demands simply don't permit the winding down a woman physically needs and maternity leave is precious and seen better spent at home with the new baby than "wasted" before the birth.


And women adding another child to their family are often in an even less ideal situation - one blogger, having an elective caserean today, has spent the past weeks overhauling her entire household so her family will cope with her absence and her status update just last night showed an exhausted woman trying to conquer Mt Fold-More before falling into bed. Let alone a bad way to approach the birth of a baby, it is destined to be a harder recovery from surgery.


Again, I reflect on unexpected outcomes of the Women's Movement, where women simply wanted the option to do it all but sadly ended up with the expectation to do it all at once. "Pregnancy is not an illness!" they told us. "Women birth at the side of their fields and quietly keep working" is a dreadful myth, based on no traditional practices and completely overlooking the culture of mothers to be withdrawing into a women's-only space for the birth and a 40 day recovery period.

Surely in this modern world we can come up with a system which respects the female body at the time of  physical demand, which supports the mother-to-be to conserve her energy in those important last weeks and allows her to prepare mentally and physically. Perhaps we would see less post-natal depression, less overwhelming breastfeeding problems, less disappointment if we allowed some mental space between the work-world (be it at home or in the workplace) and the birth-world?

I love P!nk ...more

P!nk is one of my favourite contemporary singers - I love her music, her style, her attitude.

When I found out she was breastfeeding her baby Willow, I loved her even more :)


So when she tweeted this photo ...

... my delight was predictable!

I have followed her on Twitter since I first joined, hearing her first-hand tales of touring Australia.

I tweeted her today - how wonderful would it be to have this photo in the ABA breastfeeding calendar I am organising? Our wonderful calendar - this year graced by Miranda Kerr breastfeeding her baby Flynn

(photographed by Orlando Bloom, our family's favourite elf) - is such an important visual tool in celebrating the beauty of breastfeeding - and the normality of breastfeeding.

P!nk also fits the criteria, don't you think?

You might like to let her know you like my suggestion  http://twitter.com/pink

Why we still have to promote breastfeeding ....

... and why it isn't to make women who couldn't do it feel guilty.

Every time a media story comes out promoting a new (or often, not really new) reason why breastfeeding is "best"  normal, you can bet your life the comments thread will fill within moments with stories of mothers who wanted to breastfeed, but didn't, for all sorts of reasons. These can take the form of sadness but most often take the form of anger. I have even been on the receiving end of phone calls and emails attacking me and/or the breastfeeding association for causing guilt and distress to women by doing/reporting research which concludes risk from formula. For the record, it isn't actually me doing the research, nor is it ABA or any other breastfeeding support organisation - in fact, a lot of the studies done into breastmilk are funded by formula companies, desperate to know what is in it, in the hope they can replicate it (not always successfully - fish oil-flavoured formula apparently didn't taste so sweet, despite providing long-chain fatty acids!)

Yet, if we accept that everyone on the planet must, by now, know fully-well that breastmilk is what babies should be fed from birth - why is anyone still trying to convince people about it?

Simple - not everyone does know. Many still think they are making a choice about infant feeding, a choice between two products - human milk and infant formula. They think it is a lifestyle choice. Or perhaps, they don't even know this is about two distinct things: I have spoken to expectant parents who think formula is breastmilk in a tin. Yes, really. Others who think the word "formula" means something scientifically constructed from scratch, who don't know they have been feeding their baby modified cows milk from birth.

The term "uneducated" doesn't just apply to those who cannot read or write. If nobody has ever explained infant feeding to you, if every baby you have ever met has been fed some white liquid in a bottle, how would you know what it actually is? If you cannot read the print on the tin (you know, those big words in a tiny font), then you aren't going to find out from there. And if you or your family have grown up in a country where infant formula is promoted on billboards as being best for your baby, alongside cute pictures of healthy infants, how would you know it isn't, actually?

So yes - the educated woman reading the news or the blog post, the one who knows exactly what her baby didn't get because she didn't breastfeed, is going to respond with sadness or anger. Meanwhile, the woman who cannot read, who doesn't have a computer, is reliant on those who support her to be up to date. It means her community need to understand what she needs from them to breastfeed successfully - which starts with her making an informed decision that she will breastfeed.

To make an informed choice, you need information. And before you get too smug about living in a first-world country, take a moment to check out the wonderful presentation on this site - some third-world countries put the first-world to shame. And if you are wondering how this all came about, be sure to note all the references to formula promotion.

http://www.incultureparent.com/2012/03/breastfeeding-around-the-world/#slideshow

Moving Melbourne

It was just before 9pm Tuesday night. I was tucked up under the doona, meds taken, fur-babies snoozing by my side and watching the 20th anniversary Foreign Correspondent program. Husband in family room, son in bedroom. Daughters in respective overseas locations.

Then the Earth moved.

And kept moving! We get the occasional earth tremor, a novelty as we don't get "real" earthquakes in Australia - well, once in Newcastle years ago, but apart from that, just baby tremors. The ones we get here are usually centred down in Gippsland and we get an odd rumble. We have had a handful over the past couple of years and once, the glass storage jars in my scraproom rattled, which was very exciting.

But last night, it went for so long - technically 40 seconds, but everyone agrees it felt much longer. There was rattling and groaning and rumbling. I do what I do in this situation - stay seated with my jaw dropped and yell out to whoever is home "Did you feel that?" Except the one time when I was at work alone, then I just said the same thing on Facebook ;)

And that's obviously where I turned last night, after my husband admitting it had scared the sh8t out of him and son came tumbling out of his room (where I suspect he had been asleep - not an early night, rather the opposite in his universe!), I opened my tablet - and in that short time, my news feed was FILLED with variations on "Did you feel that?"

What blew me away though - apart from just how close we all are to our devices at such times - was the fact people were reporting it from areas well away from us on the Mornington Peninsula. Like the outskirts on the north-west of Melbourne. And Shepparton. Albury - over the border in NSW. And Canberra???

This wasn't our usual tremor. And while we were updating statuses madly, we were also Googling and sharing at a rate of knots. It was a 5.4 earthQUAKE, centred down in Gippsland beneath infamous Moe and felt (as we already knew) in all the places listed above and more. It took the news sites AGES to catch up with my news feed - on a day when we were all coming to terms with huge cut-backs in the daily news print media.

And before you could even draw breath, the memes began to roll through our news feeds:

I personally think the Earth shifted on its axis because Melissa had arrived in London only a few hours earlier!

Oh, and that stuff about animals knowing when a quake is about to happen? I think they need to be awake - which Frodo was as soon as it happened, staring into space wondering what the hell THAT was. But Molly continued to snore through the whole event and after. Another career ruled out for her.

Checking in ... as they check out

The past few weeks have felt fairly unproductive for me, although when I tally them, maybe not so to others! But my winter go-slow has hit and my body is restricting its cooperation as it seems to each  year - fibromyalgia flares up in response to the cold, MS flares up in response to the fibro, meaning a double-whammy of fatigue and lack of energy for things like aqua aerobics and yoga ...

And just to add to the mix, my suspicions have been proven accurate - the acute pain and isolated numbness I get in my right hand is a form of RSI, affecting the ulnar nerve and aggravated by gripping tasks ... like knitting, crochet, holding books, steering wheel, computer mouse, kitchen utensils, pens, pencils, paintbrushes and other art/craft tools - in short, most of the activities that keep me sane! And how to ease the inflammation? Why, limit all of the above and more!!! The physio was so sympathetic when she identified this addition to the pain and numbness I get from the MS and fibro - distinct from but targeting similar areas. I was just resigned - my body is only half-way to its use-by date but I can't imagine it lasting the distance at this rate!!!

But in better news, my family has gone global: one daughter and her husband took off to Bail last week and other daughter heads to the UK tomorrow! Bali and its heat and humidity doesn't really appeal to me, but I would happily hop aboard the flight to London. We studied a map of the UK together this afternoon and I pointed out all the places I would love to go ... and there weren't many left! i shall think of this trip as an advance party and look forward to the day we two can do a longer, more detailed trip. As we are both mad British history buffs and love so many aspects of the life and culture, we have always dreamed of exploring it together. So ... one day.

Anyway, before the jet-setting commenced, we girls did our annual TWO walks around Albert Park Lake with Molly - once for the RSPCA, the other for MS.

PS - I sometimes get asked where the men are: the simple answer is, they aren't interested in our girly adventures: Rod has cycling commitments on Saturdays and Sundays and Kieran needs a really good reason to be exposed to daylight ;)

The community that Jane built

It began simply enough - a quick sketch as part of my 29 faces challenge

She was feeling a little overwhelmed, so a friend popped in to see her and the new baby

It was good to talk things over with an experienced mother

And then another friend popped in with a casserole for dinner and did a load of laundry while her own baby slept in the meh tai. She was from the ABA breastfeeding support group and remembered how challenging those first days were.

When another friend read on Facebook that visitors were welcome this afternoon, she popped around too. They had met at the ABA breastfeeding class a few months ago and were both excited to be having their babies so close together. She watched, fascinated, as the baby did exactly what they had seen on the video in class.

Mum came in after putting away the groceries she had bought and was happy to see her daughter surrounded by friends.

When the new father finished stacking the dishwasher, he came back to watch the baby start to feed again. He couldn't get over his amazement that the baby knew exactly where the nipple was and how to move her body to get to it.

Even the cat was there to offer his support, though nobody seemed to notice ;)

The End!

This past few days, my Facebook Friends have played along with this drawing and - interestingly - all their suggested characters had already crossed my mind to include! Working as I do, with new mothers learning to breastfeed, I wish this idyllic scene was real for them all, but sadly I know it is rare for many. It takes more than a pencil to create a supportive, nurturing environment around new mothers, but we should still aim to make it happen.

http://www.facebook.com/yvette.odowd